So I promised myself I wouldn’t miss any classes because I was “too sore” or “too exhausted” or “dizzy” or any of those other Fibromyalgia things. I decided I did not need to take a “break” sometimes, that I would just do it. And that’s worked pretty well…
…until last week.
The dojo was closed on Monday and Tuesday for Independence Day. And Wednesday I got sick. It was clear that I was really ill, and couldn’t do class, but psychology, it was still a battle.
When you have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or another chronic, invisible illness, healthy people — even if they’re too nice to say so — wonder if you could try a little harder, if you’re drinking enough water, if you would do better if you’d get out more. But what many people don’t realize is that we have those same doubts. Most of us, anyway. And no matter how clear it is that no, I really couldn’t try any harder, the doubts come up.
When today came around and I wasn’t sick anymore, it was time to go back to the dojo. Scary! I have this nagging devil in my mind that says that I only missed class because I’m lazy. (Laziness is another word for Fibromyalgia, don’t you know.) That same devil was saying that I shouldn’t go back, it will be too hard, I may not be completely better, it will be too much.
But, as always, in the end I could say “I did it!” I can still, hours later, feel it. And I’m a little woozy, looking forward to bed.
But I’m also looking forward to class tomorrow. Life is good.